...Not Yet A Woman

She's out and she's sober! Congrats Britney!

Now do us a favor and not talk about your life to anyone in the media...especially Matt Lauer. Don't say you're healed, cured, happy, anything really.

Just live, breathe and enjoy your children. That's all you need to do and don't the suits around you force you back too soon into the world that just broke you down.

P.S. K-Fed, I swear, no more babies!

Ain't No Other Woman

XTina wants to save Britney but she doesn't know how to reach out to her fellow Mouseketeer. Christina reportedly has offered to open up her honeymoon pad to Brit to decompress and get her life together again. Now, someone save Jessica Simpson!

La Isla Toxic

It's common knowledge that Madonna signed off Britney after she dropped Kaballah for K-Fed but even after the split, Madge refused to help the former Mrs. Jason Alexander. Madonna apparently has a track record of dropping friends faster than trou in the 80s. But, the Material Mom has another track record that may mean more to Britney. All female ex-confidantes of Madonna end up on severely destructive paths after losing her blessing. From Rosanna Arquette to Sandra Berhard to Rosie O'Donnell to Gwyneth Paltrow - all have had severe blows in their lives after their courtship with Madonna.

If that's true, will be Britney be okay? The answer may be easy. All of Madonna's exes resurrected after having a child. Of course, it's quite possible Britney is in the place she is because of having children but maybe they'll help her through it too? Only time and Madonna will tell.

Back That Story Up...

Okay, so she's out of rehab again.

Me Against The Media

So she’s in rehab. Here’s hoping she can fight through whatever it is she needs to work through and become stronger not just for herself but for her 2 kids.

Now that the hypotheses party is over, give her a break. Let her rest, recoup and then vulture again. For now, go bother K-Fed.

Nothing Compares 2 U

Reports are circulating that Britney officially went off the deep end this weekend and no I don't mean after she realized she had shaved her head. While some think it was a cry for help, Tucker Carlson believes she's "crazy" and a "lunatic". Others speculate she is joining the Hare Krishna while some are stretching as far as saying she is trying to mimic former beau Justin Timberlake.

Here's my thought - perhaps Britney is channeling Sinead O'Connor? While the Vatican may feel otherwise, the Irish chanteuse never scored a bigger hit than with her tearjerking Prince remake! If someone really wants to save Ms. Spears from herself - greenlight the Sinead O'Connor story NOW and have Britney star in it. Hell they just said yes to the Milli Vanilli story - why not Sinead?

Shaved La Vie

Ahh...Ms. Spears. After her short stint in rehab (the exact amount of time her marriage to Jason Alexander lasted), now she's potted with her Natalie Portman-style shaved head and tattoos! Is our girl prepping for GI Jane 2? Or has she officially become the next Anna Nicole Smith? ET Xclusives coming soon!

Congrats To LindLo!

Our favorite underage drunk is offiically out of Camp Drunkcake! Here's to her sobriety and passing the baton to our favorite of-age mother of the year, Ms. Spears!

Lindsay's New Roomate!

Rehab is in the air!