R.I.P. Anna Nicole...Finally!

May you rest happily with your beloved Son Daniel in peace.

Now, while we're at it, someone please revoke the American citizenship of Mark Steines, Pat O'Brien and the entire "Insider" and "ET" teams so they can remain permanently deported!

The New "Big Pussy"

America's favorite mailman (sorry Newman) is getting his dancing shoes ready. After Vincent "Big Pussy" Pastore bailed, Cliff Clavin agreed to sub-in for the next installment of the "Dancing With The Stars" franchise. I'm not sure I need to see the former "Cheers" star shake his booty but I must say I'm dying to see Cliff go head to head with Steve Sanders, "Achy Breaky" (or rather Hannah Montana's dad) Billy Ray Cyrus and former 'Nsync'r Joey Fatone.

Bad Dye Of The Day

Help Me! Help Me! Please Somebody Help Me! Little Richard

Looks Like Somebody Woke Up On The Right Side Of The Rock!

ABC is developing the caveman Geico commercials into a sitcom for the fall. I for one think it's a genius idea just like the ad campaign. Three prehistoric cavemen will have to adjust to modern day life in Atlanta.

Will it tank worse than "Baby Bob" - of course. But think about it, if it clicks, we could potentially have 25 minutes of Caveman banter (22 from the show, 3 from commercials), 2 of the gecko and the 2.5 minutes remaining spread between Vern Troyer, the movie voiceover guy and Little Richard! ABC presents the Geico variety show.

Gravy! Mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce! Wooohooo!

Good Morning Vietnam

Another year, another baby. This time Jolie is headed to Vietnam.
She is just one child away from a United Colors Of Benetton ad.

Jersey Girl

Speaking of Antonela, isn't it interesting how without the pics, she was on the strongest contenders and now that the photos are out there, she's 2 for 2 on awful performances. Logic makes me want to believe that all the scrutiny is affecting her game. Logic would then also make me understand why people want to vote for her, to let her have a chance.

But the producers of Idol refuse to comment and have ensured they never have another Frenchie disaster. Any and all publicity for the show is good. While I don't work for Dirt Magazine, something tells me that Antonela's friends weren't lured by anyone other than the show/network itself and why steer away from controversy when every week it becomes even more of appointment television.

Billion Dollar Baby

So everyone seemed to be genuinely shocked when cyber-rage Antonela and Indian Bee-Gee Sanjaya got the chance to stick around for another week after last night's bizarre elimination episode. While the internet has made Antonela a star, the hits seem to directly correlate to her survival on the show. Now, Sanjaya is another case completely. While many feel the Mom faction that have made stars out of Clay Aiken and "Chicken Little" Kevin Covias are behind the Sanjaya bandwagon - I disagree completely.

Sanjaya is of Indian background. While the Indian population in the US is relatively small, it is powerful. They are the reason for almost every Bollywood film release cracking the Top 20 US Box Office week after week. In addition, every paper, magazine and television program that caters to the Indian diaspora is covering the story of Sanjaya from the beginning. What's more bizarre is that American Idol airs in INDIA just one day after it airs in the US. And word has it millions of highly-tech savvy Indians know how and when to vote. India is #1 when it comes to text messaging in the world. They single-handedly awarded their trump Bollywood icon Amitabh Bachchan as Man Of The Millenium on the BBC poll!

So while many think Sanjaya (present company included) is just completely out of his league, I wouldn't be surprised if he makes it all the way (hair and all intact). Given this platform, is it time for American Idol to become World Idol so every contestant may have an equal playing field. Is it even possible when someone is from India or China?

Indigestable

To the left, to the left. All the models from Sports Illustrated to the left. Okay, so Wolfgang Puck just managed to go from Oscar cuisine royalty to dive in one scary scoop. One of Puck's caterers was diagnosed with the Hepatitis A virus and may have exposed all the models at the Swimsuit edition party. Medical advisers have suggested all patrons be tested even though the likelihood was minimal. Guests also included "Borat" co-star Ken Davitian. Um...anyone else think that Puck just handed out leftovers from the A-grade parties because he knew the models wouldn't eat and the only person left was the naked fat guy from "Borat"?

D.E.B.S.

So who knew that 15-24 year old white women were the fastest rising group of bank robbers? Apparently they grow them naughty in the South.
At this rate, the future's not so bright so why still don the shades?

Cars Are Blind

DUIs...Suspended Licenses...Smashed Bentleys...Next see Paris burn down a car dealership!
Ego-terrorism at its best.

Stroke You Up

The hottest ticket on the music scene these days isn't Karaoke Revolution or Myspace but rather Tooth Tunes. My pick for toothbrush of the year is Kelly Clarkson's "Walk Away". What song do you want to hear while brushing?

Crash And Heal?

After dissing...um...thanking Oprah at the Grammys, Ludacris is on the mend. The "Crash" star is now headed to Chicago to pay the Harpo tycoon a welcome visit apparently in an attempt to make nice (unlike the Dixie Chicks who still aren't ready for that). Ludacris hopes to change Oprah's mind with his runaway hit "Runaway Love" with Oprah gal-pal Mary J. Blige. Actually it's Blige that negotiated the peace deal while chatting it up with Winfrey at the Vanity Fair bash on Oscar night. No word if the O'Reilly Factor is next on his redemption tour. Something tells me that would only happen after Luda released "Love Dem Foxes".

Can You Hear Me Now?

This awesome twosome is headed for a crash course soon! While Naomi Campbell recently acknowledged her regret in throwing a phone at her assistant, she refused to apologize. Here's hoping Terrence Howard can help the model switch from knocking teeth to Bluetooth.

La Isla Toxic

It's common knowledge that Madonna signed off Britney after she dropped Kaballah for K-Fed but even after the split, Madge refused to help the former Mrs. Jason Alexander. Madonna apparently has a track record of dropping friends faster than trou in the 80s. But, the Material Mom has another track record that may mean more to Britney. All female ex-confidantes of Madonna end up on severely destructive paths after losing her blessing. From Rosanna Arquette to Sandra Berhard to Rosie O'Donnell to Gwyneth Paltrow - all have had severe blows in their lives after their courtship with Madonna.

If that's true, will be Britney be okay? The answer may be easy. All of Madonna's exes resurrected after having a child. Of course, it's quite possible Britney is in the place she is because of having children but maybe they'll help her through it too? Only time and Madonna will tell.

Preggers Chick

Classical chanteuse turn pop-tart Charlotte Church is preggers! Rugby star Gavin Henson is the proud daddy. The parallel universe Posh/Beckham couple are ecstatic about the baby and the fact that they are now THE power couple in the UK. Take that NBC!

The Lives Of Lazy Executives

So it just beat out "Pan's Labyrinth" at the Oscars and already Germany's "The Lives Of Others" is headed for its Hollywood remake. Hollywood Oscar heavyweights Sydney Pollack, Anthony Minghella, and the Weinsteins want to adapt the Best Foreign Film winner for a mainstream audience. Now wait a minute. "Pan's Labyrinth" made more money that most of the Best Picture nominees this year. "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" and "Life Is Beautiful" were smash hits with American audiences. So why can't these kings of the box office just put their weight behind the original and promote so it gets on 2000 screens across the country and gets a chance to do well.

Is Hollywood that dry for films that it can't create something new? Why can't Hollywood just support the art that is out there that needs its support?

Don't Want No Short Short Man

Donnatella Versace is reportedly so turned off by short men that she refuses to allow any work within her sight. Versace's closest confidantes exclaim that short men frighten her. She feels unsafe and that they are responsible for all the evil in the world. So what's her cut off height requirement? Anything under 5'5 apparently just won't do. Me thinks Donnatella needs to get on the Surreal Life Games. I'd pay to see her with Webster and Mini-Me!!

Bootylicious Hips

My first reaction to listening and watching Beyonce & Shakira together - huh? The song retreads Baby Boy and Naughty Girl from Beyonce and the sexual coys of every Shakira song. Either this song is the most brilliant combination of commerce or a beautiful disaster? (sorry Kelly Clarkson!) The Boy Is Mine this ain't! Which two singing divas have you liked best together so far?

1. Christina Aguilera & Lil' Kim
2. Britney Spears & Madonna
3. Monica & Brandy
4. Gwen Stefani & Eve
5. Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston
6. Kimberley Locke & Clay Aiken

Now, how would you like to hear together? Something tells me that a duet between India.Arie & Alicia Keys would be tight.

You're Breakin' Toes!

James Blunt might be in store for than just back to bedlam. The Swiss-convert ran over another Oscar-partygoer on Sunday despite girlfriend Petra's warning. In an apparent squash and run, Blunt left the scene without realizing the damage. Can he sing his way out of this?

Mo Money Mo Problems

Diddy beat up real estate tool Gerard Rechnitzer in Hollywood on Oscar night? Rechnitzer filed a battery claim against the godfather of manufactured hip-hop. He has offered to drop the suit if Diddy buys his next pad from him. See, now that's the way to do real estate - "sell it with a punch".